Dealing with the loss of a loved one and the grief that follows can be a 'slippery slope,' as it often brings a complex mix of emotions that can be difficult to navigate. The experience of mourning is not linear; it can ebb and flow, sometimes overwhelming us when we least expect it. My family has been going through this profound and challenging process recently, as we lost my grandfather, a figure who played a significant role in our lives. His absence has left a void that is felt deeply by each of us, manifesting in various ways as we attempt to cope with our grief.
My children, although they are teenagers, have never had to experience this aspect of life - or death, I should amend. This is their first encounter with the harsh reality of losing someone they loved dearly. For them, the concept of death had previously been abstract, something discussed in books or seen in movies, but now it has become a tangible part of their lives. They are faced with the challenge of processing their emotions, which can be particularly difficult during these formative years when they are already navigating the complexities of adolescence.
In one of my numerous one-on-one talks with my middle child, he expressed an intense sense of guilt for feeling "relieved that Papa was no longer in pain" while also feeling deeply sad that he was no longer with us. Naturally, I reassured him that these feelings are entirely valid and understandable, even relatable. As I have said, grief is not linear, nor do all people grieve in the same manner. (I want to take this opportunity to express my immense gratitude to everyone who offers grief counseling to others. You guys are definitely unsung heroes!)
Unfortunately, we learned - the HARD way - that it is absolutely 100% necessary to have not only a power of attorney and a 'durable' power of attorney, but also a living will and a regular will... who knew anyone had to file so much paperwork just to be able to pass away peacefully? To make a long story short, apparently power of attorneys do not cover 'after death' issues that they should (even when they specifically state that they do cover said issues). None of my grandfather's final wishes have been carried out, nor will they be, due to one person's ill intent/wishes for my grandfather... and there is absolutely nothing we can do about it now. All of this stress, compiled with the grief... it's been a doozy since his passing.
As a family, we have been trying to support one another through this trying time. We share stories about my grandfather, reminiscing about the lessons he taught us, the memories we created together, and his penchant for telling tall tales. These conversations serve not only to honor his memory but also to help my children understand the importance of grieving as a natural part of life. It can be comforting to talk about the good times, but it can also be painful, as it highlights the absence of his presence in our daily lives.
In addition to sharing memories, we have been encouraging open discussions about our feelings. Grief can manifest in various ways, and it is important for them to recognize their emotions as valid. We have been exploring different ways to express our grief, whether through journaling, art, or simply talking about our feelings. These outlets can provide a sense of relief and understanding, allowing us to process our loss in a healthy manner. Sometimes, sharing our experiences with others who have faced similar situations can provide comfort and insights that help us cope with our feelings.
In conclusion, dealing with the loss of a loved one is an intricate journey that requires patience, understanding, and support. As my family continues to grapple with the loss of my grandfather, we are learning valuable lessons about love, memory, and the healing power of shared experiences. While the path of grief may be a slippery slope, it is one that we can traverse together, finding strength in our connections and honoring the legacy of those we have lost.
*** In loving memory of Rupert B. Brown ***
9 November 1930 - 19 October 2024
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